Does anyone have any advice on getting over an affair with a married man?

I need some advice. I was in a relationship with a married man for over a year. His marriage was in trouble (or so he said), he told me he loved me, wanted to be with me, blah, blah, blah. He knew I was a lonely, vulnerable single mom. Of course, he decided not to see me anymore, confessed to his wife what happened, and decided to work on his marriage. I have since talked to his wife and she told me that he never loved me and he was just using me for sex. I am completely devasted. I am so embarrased and ashamed. I have found out that his wife is going around town talking bad about me to people we mutually know. I have never been involved with a married man before and will never do it again. The problem is I don't know how to pick up the pieces of my life. I have fallen into a depression and it scares me because I have a little girl to take care of. Does anyone have any helpful advice on how to get over this?Does anyone have any advice on getting over an affair with a married man?
I am in the same shoes you are in... the only difference was before the affair me and the man were friends and his wife was my best friend. I was also told he was only using me for sex and it also devestated me. It has been only a year ago since this happened and I can honestly tell you that you will never get over it. It is something you will never forget... the one thing I would mention to you is go to counseling it really helps. It helped me alot to talk to someone about things make sure it is an unbiased party though! When you go around town hold your head up... don't let him take your diginity. Remember it takes two to tango and you are not the only one at fault here! He is just as guilty as you are and he is somewhat more guilty than you are. He was the one with the commitment not you... and he betrayed that! Don't try to hide how you feel be honest with yourself. Don't hold your feelings in. Most of all be true to your self. you will come out of this better than what you were before this. Just remember that we all make mistakes and yes while some are worst than others I know you can get through this... I did and I know you can too! If you need anyone to talk to feel free to e-mail me at hbeth06@yahoo like I have told you I have been in your shoes and I feel the pain. Remember you don't have to go through this alone.Does anyone have any advice on getting over an affair with a married man?
Feng Shway (sp) Its amazing! Just change small things in your every day life and you start feeling better.... Like... re arrange your house, apt, bedroom, refridgerator... Stuff like that... I use to go threw my closet and decide what I dont like and what I do like... And every time Im down I do this and I ALWAYS feel better. I've told lots of people about this, and my friends do it now too. Small changes in your every day life affect you greatly. Just keep your mind occupied and your heart will get better. Good luck babe!
First of all, dont do it! Second....go for another one!
get him n person and kick him square in the nuts!!
No use starting with u deserve it u knew he was married.So u need 2 get on with life for urself / daughter.WE all make mistakes Best advise I can give u is hold ur head high / get back down 2 earth.I don not believe any 1 is so perfect they can cast stones.The wife who is saying things about u needs 2 remember it took 2 / her husband was just as guilty.So she is talking about her family as well.So she is needs 2 look at her marriage why did he go else where ?.I am not conducing what happened but it did take 2.You realize ur mistake it is over so (smile)and move on
Um i think you deserve to suffer and i think that karma is a Beotch!!! And you have a kid what kind of teaching is that? I hope you understand you have set your daughter up for alot of heart break!!!! Worry about your kid and not your love life
I realize you were in the wrong, however my heart goes out to you as well. We all do things because we have needs that aren't met. Sometimes the things we choose are just pretty stupid, but we choose them just the same. I'm married, a difficult marriage, but married just the same. I met a man, also married, difficult marriage but married all the same...we've not had a physical affair but we've had what I call an emotional affair for a couple years now. We did meet once, kissed...but I won't let it happen again and I won't have sex with him. As odd as this sounds, I am committed to my marriage, but he gave me things I needed like understanding, a listening ear, kindess and love...just not sex. Well, he decided he needed more and now has a mistress. He's also one of the odd ones and he's leaving his wife for this woman. He told the woman about us and she wants him to stop talking to me. He said he's really having a difficult time because he really feels he's in love with this woman (his poor wife) but can't stop thinking about me blah blah blah...and he doesn't want to blow it with this other woman (again, his poor wife) but doesn't want to stop talking to me BUT....so, we're not going to talk any more. He's become a very dear friend and I love him very much and am going to miss him like crazy. I feel jilted in a very odd sense and can't seem to get it out of my mind either. One thing I have done that seems to be helping is replacing the thought with a prayer every time it enters my mind. I repeat the Lord's Prayer or the 23rd Psalm. Maybe if you have something that makes you feel good that you have memorized you can repeat it over and over in your head when the painful thoughts enter in. Another thing that helps is to make a scrapbook of sorts of goals and things you love... look at them when you start to feel the pain. It could be flowers or the ocean or your daughter, anything that brings you peace. Love is an interesting thing, forbidden or not. I wish you well... time will heal this wound, but it will leave a scar. Yeah, his wife is hurting too...and maybe under different circumstances you would have been friends. Guess all you can do is realize she's full of her pain as well. Good luck sister, and hold your head high. You're strong, you're gonna be ok. :)
I think you need to realize that his wife told you that he never loved you because she was trying to hurt you. She doesn't know if he did or didn't. He probably told her that he didn't love you, just to save his marriage. Having been there, I am sure he did love you. Also, she is spreading rumors to mutual friends to hurt you again. If you are confronted by someone else about it, you need to say something like, ';she wouldn't do what he needed, so I rocked his world';. You aren't the bad person here. If anyone is to be bad, it's him for doing it without his wife knowing, or her because she is hateful. You are the innocent party. As for never having a relationship with a married man, don't do it unless you know that you are doing it for YOUR pleasure. Also, in your next relationship, even if he isn't married, you need to be in that relationship for your good, not his. You need to be satisfied prior to committing to him. Don't let him get into your family. Don't let your daughter get attached to him. When you get to the point that you want to be married to him, then you can start letting down your guards. Until then, do it for your pleasure. As for getting over the last guy, do what your mother always told you to do. Wash your face and be polite. Good Luck
Firstly, you might have foreseen this coming. Not to be the voice of 'I told you so', because that's not what you need right now. Plus, you've already realized what sort of trouble can come from this sort of thing.


That being said, let's cast some perspective. Thins being what they are, they wifey is going to say anything and everything that she can to hurt your feelings, as she is childish and doesn't want to place her anger where it needs to be, on the shoulders of her hubby, instead of at your feet.


As for all of her venom, you can't control that, its a lost cause, so forget trying to salvage your image in the eyes of those people whose ears she poured that poison, either they'll see that what she'd said isn't true, based on how you act, rather than the words she'd thrown at them, or they won't. Either way, its nothing that you can control.


Here's the important part.


Look at your daughter. Right into her eyes and let her know how much you love her. Make a pact with yourself that SHE is more important to you than anything else that this crappy world can throw at you, and that from this moment on, no matter what, everything you will ever do will be for the greater good of that little girl.


After that, get up off of your knees, assuming that your little girl is that short, make you both a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and go to the park and push her on the swings.


Tomorrow will always be a better day for you.
Sweet heart... you made a mistake and now you are paying for the consequences... it was a dangerous mistake, since you have mutual friends, and so you can't just disappear... but in time, it will boil over... like everything else in life...





You need to give yourself time to heal... go to the gym, lose a couple of pounds, clean up a closet... do something that gives you a sense of accomplishment... take your daughter to some place that you have been meaning to take her for a long time...





Just keep busy and let time do some healing...





You are going through hell, so just keep going and it will end pretty soon... you will be a much stronger, wiser person after this... but you have to pull yourself up, nobody else can do that for you... do it for your daughter... she needs to have a role model, a strong independent mom...





Hope this helps... wish all the best...
sorry to hear that if you want to pick up the pices YOU MUST MOVE ON BABY be strong for your little girl the same thing happend to me once so i know what you are going throuh email me mabey i can comfort you some
get mad


use your anger to go on


the man lied to you


he used you


i would be pissed


but instead of doing something negative use the energy from your anger to do something positive


his wife is going around bad mouthing you because she is angry too


but she shouldn't be angry at you


she should be angry at that two-faced, lying, cheater of a husband and be taking it out of him


tell your mutual friends that you are as much a victim as his wife is
I don鈥檛 think you will receive the counseling you need in here. I will pray for you.
It's all right there. You were a dumbass and you know it. Now just get over it and promise to now do such a stupid thing again.
Well, duh. I'm sorry, but if you didn't know that this was going to eventually happen, then you're an idiot. You were the 'other' woman for him, and he didn't care about you. They do just use you.





I don't understand why anyone would have an affair with a married man knowingly, anyway. o: They always dump you for their wife. They're MARRIED for goodness' sake.





I think you should be embarrassed and ashamed. I have no sympathy for people who want to break up a marriage. :| Sorry.
gather some friends of your and have a girls night out. find a single man. you should had dropped that guy when you found out that he was married. if you like to chat more email me.
Wow this is the same thing i am going through...Mine said he loved me and everything. He also said he was not happy with his marriage anymore. It went on for a few months it was great at first until the feelings started and he changed it by saying ';I love you';. I ended it, took him back and ended it again. I feel lost without him. Even though I know i deserve better and he was just played me. He will never leave his wife married men never do. Its much easier to just have a piece on the side then to have to get a divorce. I haven't spoken to him in 24 hours and i miss him like crazy. This is just a process hunnie. Time heals all wounds. You have to just move on, Its OK to hurt but you were being used also, your guy took advantage of your for those reasons, mine took advantage of me because i am young and niave. He was also a lot older then me...Boy i wish i never got myself into this. You will be fine we both will. Best of luck


We can get through this together :)
First of all, no one really knows how your married man felt about you except for him. His wife is going to tell you things to hurt you because she has been betrayed herself. He may have loved you, etc. but she is not going to believe that. If she did believe it she would be a fool to take him back. By telling herself that he didn't love you, or didn't care about you, she is protecting herself. She is downplaying what you two had so she can just ignore what happened and forgive him.





I know you are embarassed and she shouldn't be going around telling your mutual friends things about the situation. But think about this, she is telling everyone that her husband had an affair with you and she is still with him. What does that say about her to other people? Maybe they are thinking what a fool she is and she's thinking that it's making you look bad.....





Getting over any failed relationship is tough, but you have a daughter to think about. When you are feeling sad, look at her and know that you are not alone. You have someone to fight for, to be strong for and to be a role model for. If you still feel depressed, talk to a counselor about it. Just remember that it is normal to feel sad after a failed relationship. But don't stop living your life. Go out and do something fun, something for yourself. Go to the spa and have a massage. Do something for yourself everyday. And be happy knowing that you can walk away from this relationship and make yourself better. They have to continue to live with the after effects of the affair.
Consider it a valuable life lesson. Imagine how his wife felt when she found out he was a cheating dog. Your ashamed and embarrassed, and she is probably devastated that her husband could do such a thing.


Just pick up the pieces and go on. It will eventually blow over and in a year or 2 when this man is behind you, and you have gone on with your life, his wife will probably be suffering the pain still. Been there and experienced that.


He was just using you for sex, and if you let him come back again with another sad sob story, he will do it again and again.
Here is the best I have to offer... YOU are still a good person worthy of love and so is your little girl. So you made a mistake. Who hasn't. You would not be human if you didn't. I am a firm believer that everyone in this life needs a companion. I can not imagine being alone and trying to raise my little 3 year old boy.. I can not say that I would not do the samething just for someone to show me some love and attention. But you are better than that you deserve a man who will love you and only you and devote his time to you and your daughter. I am sure the security you are longing for is to make a family for you and your little girl. that is all anyone really wants..Get up , dust yourself off and regain your confidence.. His wife is jsut upset and probably embarressed herself because her husband cheated on her. So talking about you relieves some of her pain and anger. And as far as the guy goes..He may have had feelings for you..of course his wife is gonig to say hedidn't becasue she doesn't want him to have had..Life is so much more..than that..gossip will always be around no matter what you do...and they are probably talking about him too because HE is the one who did worse in my opinon by breaking his vows...Please put more confidence in yourself. GOOD luck..do it for yourself and your daughter,,
Your the type of women us married woman hate. I hope you never get over it. Stop thinking about yourself for a minute and think about how she feels in front of ';the people you mutually know'; she must be embarrassed that everyone knows he had an affair on her.
Listen your in a deep hole, you were the ';home recker'; all you can do now is tell people what you said here, he smooth talked my gullible *** in bed... why cause your a single mom and lonely...etc... he loved me blah... bottom line HE LIED TO YOU!!! **** him and if his wife is still having problems with you tell her to try and get a grip on your cheating *** husband who is obviously starved for sex that he has to go and trick you into sleeping with him, but that still doesn't give you the right to do something like that, just protest that you got played big deal most women have it happen to them, and by who, a smooth married man who can learn to talk himself outta most problems with women...including saving his marriage after he probably got caught
i can tell u this, but it seems u already know. a married man will almost never leave his wife. u know this now. try not to be so down on urself for the sake of ur baby girl. u shouldnt worry wha tthe wife says about u. hell , she couldnt keep her man at home! and she's the dumb one who stayed with him after he cheated on her. the only inspiration u should need is ur daughter. it should be ur goal to teach her never to make the same mistakes as u. focus on her adn things should turn around. hope ur ok
move on.You knew what you were getting into by seeing a married man who still lived with his wife.So what if she says things about you to others if they truely know you they will understand and know what you did.Move on find a new Unmarried man and enjoy the rest of your life.
you will just need to pick up your chin and move on





Counseling might be an option for you also
Can take a while, esp getting over all the lies, don't froget the wife could be lying in what she said to you to try and cover up her short commings as a bad wife.
go out of that situation!


you'll only make things worst!


you can be sued if the other woman knows about it.


find another one!


there are lots of men out there!


its not love,its lust!