Adults, Men and Women, I need your advice and insight on my situation?

First let me tell you I am 35 I am not a kid in high school who has a crush. I am old enough to know that you cannot make someone like you and I am probably asking a question that has no answer. I just am looking for clarity if you will. If possible. What do you make of a man telling you ';you're not the one';. Well let me provide the scenario. I have been talking and seeing a man for the past 2mnts I met him on a dating site. Funny I didnt like him in the begining, but he was different from my 'type' and I feel hard. He told me he wanted slow and to date me and date others see what happesn. That was caution number one, I side stepped it. Basically I was led on...he wanted me but he wante others. He would get upset if when I dated, when I didnt pay any attention to him he wanted me, if I pay attention to him he pushes me away. First Let me say I hate the game. I hate playing it. I told him how i felt which was that I like him, I wanted to date him. He said lets just go slow. Well this past week he tells me that he is dating a certain girl and he wants to make a go of it, but doesnt want to lose my friendship. Is he holding me with strings? Well two days go by I dont respond to him then he is calling, texting, emailing. he wants to see me he can go out with me on friday for a date we made previous with friends, I can stay the night, oh and he tells me then too that the girl stopped seeing him. I tell him I am not second choice, not a consolation prize. He begs to see me etc, I give in I meet him we hang out he doesnt want me to leave, then I guess I overstepped boundaries cause I told him I wanted to be with him that night. He said no, please leave etc. Ok what an idiot I feel like. We go out Friday too and I start crying telling him I want him and he tells me 'You are not the one for me'. OUCH...Ok finally here are my questions...


1. How do I save face now. When he calls, texts, IM's do I respond. Do I push him and ignore him?


PLEASE note he still wants to be my friend, but I dont think Its a good idea. I told him I need my space and to be alone for a while. One day I told him I can be his friend but for now need to my space. I figure never to late to maintain your dignity.


2. Is there any hope in the future with him...If I play the game and keep my distance for now, and say in a couple of mnths I reach out and be his friend, go slow is it possible?


3. My chasing him, is that what pushed him away?





I know these are stupid questions...but any insight would help. Its all the dumb questions we want to knwo when trying to heal a broken heart.Adults, Men and Women, I need your advice and insight on my situation?
OK. He is most likely keeping you on the back burner for his next break up when you can be his ';friend'; and console him, then sleep with him. As my husband always says, there's no such thing as a nice guy, or a guy without an agenda.


1. I would not respond except to tell him you know that he just wants to be your friend, but you don't want to be his back-up plan. Don't listen when he says that's not what he wants. Just tell him you can't be his friend and end the conversation.


2. I don't think there is hope in the future. If you two did get back together, it would only be until he found what he thought was the next bigger, better thing and then you'd be where you are now.


3. You probably were chasing him a little. At least in his mind.


I would completely end contact with him and find the next bigger, better thing for you! Any guy who will treat you like that doesn't deserve you! Good luck!Adults, Men and Women, I need your advice and insight on my situation?
I think online dating never works out. thats just my opinion, i mean for some it miraculously does but the entire situation is weird. You meet someone out of the blew and you expect it to work out somehow. It's hard.





Good luck, sorry i couldn't answer any of your questions...im sure you'll think of something
he's trying to keep you from going away, but only will date you as a last resort. leave.
I think you need to look somewhere else. The only future you would have with him would be frustrating and painful. Some people only want what they can't have. If he contacts you in any way just be polite,say ';HI'; or ';how have you been?'; don't go overboard on the personal talk with him. You can find someone better to date.
He's playing you, using you, whatever you want to call it. The only way to save face now is to totally cut off all contact with him. He doesn't want to be your friend; he wants you to be around if he needs a fall girl. So many guys get off on having all these women wanting him...it makes them feel manly, attractive, and desirable like some Casanova. Just visit DontDateHimGirl.com and read what all these women say about the guys they met on dating sites, myspace, facebook, etc. Sounds exactly like your scenerio. Block him, and change your numbers (unless you want to get the joy of seeing him calling you over and over and over again but you won't answer...I think I would). You're too good for him. Lose the loser.
1. do not respond to his any attempts to contact you. he is leading you on and using you. and from what you have been saying all you have done is allow him to use you. he keeps doing this to you because he knows that you will always go running back when he calls. stop doing that and find someone else.


2. i doubt there is any future with this guy. it may be possible to be his friend but doesn't seem like there can be anything else.


3. stop chasing after this lame-o. because he is gonna use you and by you chasing him he knows you will always run back to him when he calls. also no point in chasing after someone who is treating you that way.





there is nothing stupid about your questions. find someone else that is better. and when a person says ';your not the one'; it means your not the one. you may just not be the one he feels is right for him. he may change his mind but may not. just get over him and move on.
i'll tell you my story 11 years ago i meet a man that i thought was the one we went on date after date he told me that he wanted to be with me and then told me that there was someone else and he couldn't leave her so i told him that it was over but ever time he called we got together because he said that he wanted to be my friend guess what i listened to him and ended up having a baby by him and you would think that he would've left her along but he didn't he left me so what i'm saying to you is don't chase him because as long as he's knows that you are waiting on him he going to run around with other women and wont stop he knows how you feel and i believe that he is taking advantage of you let him go and find someone else that want hurt your feelings (telling you you're not the one you know what you should ask him if i'm not the one why are you trying to keep me around ) once he answer you tell him that it over and don't call you any more if you keep hanging out with him you will never meet mr. wright (another guy)
ok that was a long reading.


first thing u should do when he calls or text or emails u say


I am dating another guy please don't disturb me.


if he conts.. his nonsense words tell him. ';';boy its over.. get out of it.wake up ..';';
Not stupid questions at all, but its seems to me, that you should let him go, period. I wouldn't have any contact because it will make it harder to forget about him. I think he is playing games and he probably has several women he is keeping around for booty calls or whatever. I have a friend that sounds like him. He got married and had like 10 other women mad because they didn't find out til a year later.
He no doubt has issues... You probably would be better off just telling him to get lost and finding someone who appreciates you and only you...





1) Be nice.. But distant.


2) Chances are you can have him if you know what you are doing, but do you really want someone like this??? Something to think about...


3) Yes it is... Men like to chase. The more distant you are, the more you send the message that you are loosing interest.
Thats really rude of him to do that to you. I'm sorry it just makes me mad that men think that they have the upper hand in the relationship. It's like if you don't play by there rules...thats it! I too would hate playing the game that your playing. From now on when he calls,texts, or emails you...just ignore him for awhile. Make him see that he kind of hurt you a little and that your upset about it. I think for right now that you should just forget about being friends. It seems to me that he hasn't really been a good friend. Maybe later in life when he has turned himself around and finally realized that what he was doing to you was wrong... than maybe you can be friends. Also I don't think that your chasing him pushed him away. I think that maybe he wasn't ready for you yet. I would stop playing his stupid games and forget about him for the time being. There is plenty of men out there that can treat you the way you deserve. Hopefully someday he will realize that he made a big mistake by pushing you away.
I wouldn't recommend responding, honestly, because what he did was low. I wouldn't wish heartache of that nature on my worst enemy.


I would say yeah, keep your distance for now and if he still wants to be friends later on down the road then that's great. It's possible though that he said he wanted to be ';best friends'; in the hopes that you'd still be there if he needed someone to mack with for an evening.


and honey, don't ever think that chasing a guy pushes him away. If he liked you, something as simple as your desire to know he wanted you would never have pushed him away. He seems like one of those guys who gets with all kinds of girls, but eventually ends up completely alone. You're right, you were led on, and I think you even have the right to be angry with him, because what he did was unfair.





I know that can't help much, but it always helps after a break-up to at least know somebody out there sympathizes, you know?
If it were me I would just move on and leave him alone all together. It sounds like you already know the answers to your questions. In question one you said you don't think it is a good idea to be his friend so don't. Question number two. Again you said it. Its a game. Life is to short to be caught up in games. Why waist your time on a game and chance missing the real deal in the process. Question three. By what you said when you said he wanted you but wanted others is huge! Don't settle for being the fill in for when things don't go right with some other girl. Why hang in the balance just to be second. You deserve to be first and the one and only. I would leave him alone all together. Ignore him and don't look back.
Grope him, also, I bet your fat.