I'm engaged to a man who has a young daughter. I'd like advice on how to develop a relationship with her.

His daughter is four years-old. how do I develop a relationship with her without oversteping boundaries or acting like a ';step mom.'; The bigger issue is that my fiancee was just sent to Iraq, so without him around to help with the process I'm nervous and afraid to mess it up!I'm engaged to a man who has a young daughter. I'd like advice on how to develop a relationship with her.
First of all, with him being in Iraq it can cause problems with createing a relationship. I have experienced that honesty is the best policey. With a two family sceanario everyone needs to be on the same foot. I would drop a message to the girls mother. Explain that you would like to play a part in your fiancee's daughters life, because she is a part of his. Explain that whatever happened between the two of them isn't your concern. If you present yourself in a possitive way, and express that you want to develop a positive relationship with the daughter without stepping on toes, I'm sure you will get a positive responce. Maybe mommy could use a babysitter sometime, or maybe mommy knows some ideas about how to get the daughters attention. Establishing a positive relationship with both of the daughters parents can also lead to a positive relationship with the daughter. Also make sure the father knows that you would like to have a relationship with his daughter. He could be supportive and helpful with ideas as well. Whatever you do, do not pressure the child to want a relationship with you. Let her determine that a relationship is what she would want.





Good luck.I'm engaged to a man who has a young daughter. I'd like advice on how to develop a relationship with her.
if you can try to do it mutually with her mom it will go alot smoother good luck and thank your husband for serving our country
You don't say what happened to the real mother of the child? If she is only 4, it should be easy to get to know her and develop a bond. A teenager would be a different story, but I think it should be easy. Just talk to her, let her know you are there to take care of her and she can talk to you about anything. Be compassionate where the dad is concerned, it must be hard on her losing him and not having a real mother. But you ARE her stepmother, so act like one. She needs to know you love her and are there for her. Do things she likes to do to gain her trust. Play it by ear, it won't be hard.
I think as long as you are nice. Say nice things to her. No name calling. Be patient. Listen to her.





The same as building any relationship...only she is four.





You have the opportunity to really be a person of positive impact on her sweet little life. Just an additional person to lover her to pieces, and make her feel important, appreciated and valued in this big place we call earth!





Good Luck!
Spend some time with her and get to know her more. Gain her trust and her love and let her decide if she wants to look up to you as a motherly figure or not.
I'm thinking of you girl. I'm a military wife myself. To answer your question, the person you have in common, the reason why you need to develop a relationship with her is her dad, your fiance. So start there. Why don't you take her to the ';build a bear'; for you both to build a bear to send to her dad in Iraq. Maybe another time you can take her out to buy something for her dad for father's day or some crafts to write dad letters. Let those be step one. Then you can add some non-dad related activities once that foundation is there. Like going to the movies, to the beach, to the park, out to buy her mother/carer a gift. Don't rush the relationship though, just take it slow! Good luck to you all and congratulations on your engagement!
develop a strong mother --daughter realationship with her.....treat her like any mother would treat a child...take her out to the park...have fun with her... buy her things when she is good... discipline her when she is bad...treat her as if she were your own child !
Where is the child's mother and what does she feel about your relationship with her x? Those answers make a big difference in what your relationship with her child will be and how to go about it.
Do activities with her. But honestly, if I were your daughter-to-be, no matter who you are, I would totally ruin your life for you and give you as much pain as possible and avoid ALL contact. I know that doesn't help, but that's a real, honest, true opinion.
Well, I think it depends on if she's living w/ you full time or not. The fact is - if she's living w/ you then you ARE FORCED to step up and play the role of ';mom.'; She needs that love and stability in her life even if she doesn't know that. To me, one of the most important things is for the father to emphasize that you are not replacing her mom and that you love her and are allowed to discipline her. He has to support you in that or she will be allowed to walk all over you. You can try just being her friend but you must be able to give her guildelines as well. She has to respect you. If I were you, I would create special ';play dates'; that are just you and her. Find out what she's REALLY interested in - chances are, at that age, it's a cartoon character of some sort. If you live near a large city, find out if there are any ice skating shows coming to town. Like the Dora the Explorer show or something like that. She'd love that! If you can't do that, take her on a picnic to the local park! Or make a movie night where you guys make her fav dinner and she gets to choose the movie you rent! Don't worry - she'll love you in no time.
1st off, I hope you have some kind of civilized relationship with the mom, cause otherwise it's going to be hard. Do not in anyway make mom or child think you are trying to be a mommy figure. Maybe with the mom's permisssion you can send her little cards or drop off some small gifts ';from dad'; and just talk with the child about her daddy, I'm sure she is missing him bunches and she needs reassuring. You will have plenty of time to get to know her better when daddy gets home, until then easy does it. Good luck.
take your time reassure her you are not going to ever take the place of her mum


be her friend do activities with her to build a bond


but above all set boundries of what is not and what is acceptable


I am sure you will get there Good Luck
Respect her mother as the mom. Don't try and take her place . If the child feels like you are not a threat of interferring and are an ';in addition'; family member then she will feel safe to create a bond with you. Basically what I am saying is that you can be a mom to her without taking her moms place. Call her up to say hello, take her to lunch, remember her on special holidays. Take the time with her, playing, crafts, movies, making dinners etc. You can be a back up babysitter. Volunteer your time and ask her mother and dad what you can do to help out. They will all appreciate it and you get the benifits of ';fitting in'; without it being forced. Little steps at a time.


One thing, I loved my step mother. She passed away last year with me by her side. She never tried to take my moms place but was always a mother to me accepting my life the way it was and never jealous of my ';real mother';. She spent her time doing the little things with us and she never put us in a postition of ';choosing';. That is what makes a great step-';mom';. Good luck! It's fun, it's hard and it's totally worth it!
Be her friend, but don't let her walk all over you. Do activities together to build a bond.
Be yourself. There isnt a manual or a perfect way to do this. Kids are resilient so if you were to do small mess ups here and there they either will forget about it or move on or not even care or notice as long as you dont hurt her, and dont panic kids fall they get hurt its isnt your fault. Four is such a sweet tender age. Just dont be her friend, and dont over do it with rules and discipline but set rules, establish whats right and wrong, and talk to her, she can speak and understand you, talk with her not at her, just have love and patience in your heart and you'll be fine. Set routines for her to do her normal things like brush her teeth, pick up her toys etc and help her when she needs it dont baby her , set time aside to do fun stuff, coloring, walks, playing. You can do this. Good luck, you'll do just fine